It Felt Like Driving Off a Bridge, but I Drove Over it Instead

“What am I doing?!”  The phrase rattles around and lands in my heart.  You’re making a better life for yourself.   “Then why do I feel completely inept and totally maxed out?”  Because birthing isn’t always easy.

I tell myself, focus, while driving the seven hours back and forth every other weekend to be with my daughter. I feel it’s best Simone finishes out her three months of school in Los Angeles, keeping things consistent and stable as much as possible.  My Mom is living with her while I secure work in San Francisco.  My big plan will relocate the three of us; firstly, it requires me to deal with my reality.

The Hitches and Glitches

1. Sell my home in Los Angeles
2. Find job in San Francisco
3. Go into court and modify custody
4. Pay off massive debt hovering $80k
5. Find affordable place to live in San Francisco with excellent school
6. Hope Simone won’t hate me the rest of her life

I anchor myself to the phrase, If I survive this, life will never be the same again.

Driving over the bridge during my first visit to San Francisco, I feel the anticipation of starting fresh, getting a second chance, and building a brighter life.

I reach the toll booth, hand my money to the attendant and she says, “The car in front of you paid you through.” What?! my trembling voice screams THANK YOU over the the loud traffic.

I drive away as the tears roll down my face.  This is a sign. I’m doing it!  I’m landing myself in a new life and designing it as I go along.  No one can take my messy and beautiful efforts away from me. I’m finally fitting all my fragments together, and bask in the sweet glow of accomplishment.

When life feels like it’s driving us off a bridge, we hold the power to drive over it instead…

Ignite your light and let it shine bright!

From My Heart to Yours,

Kris