I’ve been operating on Gazelle adrenaline – the kind that’s being chased by a Tiger, but always staying one step ahead. The kind where my fight or flight mechanisms are in working order, but have been over extended for the past two years. Unlike a Gazelle, I’ve kept running long after the threat has subsided and the Tiger is gone. Fearfully, I keep looking over my shoulder while running at full speed to see if it’s still there to bite my Achilles. A Gazelle instinctively knows to stop and bring its body back to homeostasis at the watering hole or grazing field after threat. It’s us humans whose fear turns into chronic stress over time when we can’t let go of the threat after it’s gone.
When shock, panic and pain entered my home in February of 2012, the one beacon of hope I held onto was that I had my home to keep me safe. Read my post, Yikes- Fend For Myself?! When I stopped running long enough to remember that home is where the heart is and mine travels with me wherever I go, I was able to authentically feel peace within the chaos. No home, car, person, place or thing can match that. I love my home. I wanted to share a picture with you of my little slice of heaven that is a place I’ve dwelled in for 11 years and poured memories, blood, sweat, and tears into. A place I haven’t wanted to let go. It’s a place that represents my hopes, dreams, and vision for the future. It is my sanctuary, solitude and thorn in my side. I love it, but my identity is not defined by it.
Financially, it’s felt maxed out and merciless. Like I’ve been stuck in a storm in a sinking lifeboat. Once I let go of holding on for dear life, I started enjoying the ride more. Same set of circumstances, different set of perspective.
My little lifeboat of a house is one I’ve remained afloat in and held onto when the waves looked like I’d capsize. I’ve been consciously and courageously navigating the unchartered waters of my life to explore new land and have found new answers in my moments of darkness- particularly when the ones crying on my living room floor at 3am gave me direction of where to go next. My compass led to re-directing my house of pain into a house of healing, transformation and new beginnings. I’m finding ways of moving beyond my protective zone and opening up more of my heart zone. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, always do what you are afraid to do. And, I’m taking his advice by opening the heart of my home to you.
As Always, Ignite Your Light and Let it Shine Bright,
From My Heart to Yours,