Another snapshot in the ongoing acceptance of healing after loss… We’re talking real life here… The kind that wants to stay hidden, but is there on the surface if you look close enough… or at least my daughter, Simone, looks close enough and lets me know what I’ve apparently missed. I’ve prided myself on knowing the different stages of appropriate mother daughter balance, but sometimes I’m surprised by a curveball.
There are two of my favorite connections Simone and I have shared as quality time since she was a baby. One is reading a good book, all cuddled up and cozy, sitting side by side and the other is sharing a bath. Up until now, sharing a bath has never led to such inquisitive body questions with my eight year old. There comes a point when the curiosity of a child is the road map where reality leads to change. And, the crossroads meets me, front and center, when I least expect it. I’ve been taking her lead on things and not pulling her close to meet my needs through transitioning after divorce. Surprisingly, we’re doing remarkably well in navigating our own personal space, despite dwelling in our small living space. Her curiosity about my body and the recognition of her own is an interesting milestone we’re reaching.
When I was standing naked in the bathroom one morning she said,
“You have hair on your boob”
I said, “Oh great”
she said, “Yes you have two.”
I said, “Yeah… The more the merrier”
We both laughed…
I was thankful she hadn’t noticed the ones on my chin yet and irritated I forgot about the ones that grow wild on the other parts of my body. My body, with all its quirks and quagmires, is the only one I have. Since gravity and unwanted hair has moved in for a long stay, I’m discovering the best way to deal with a visitor of this sort is to embrace its reckless nature and find peace in co-existing. My plump and perfect youth didn’t prepare me for the wag of my sag, but I’ve decided to honor my grey hairs and growing inner wisdom. All in all, the conversations I have with Simone are reminders to me that even though life can feel like an endless cycle of earning a living, keeping myself from dying of grief, and putting food on the table; I still have open communication with this independent, and wild-haired daughter of mine who constantly amazes me. Later at breakfast, another conversation opened up between us –
I said, “I love you Simone”
She said, “I love you too… because you made me awesome”
I said, “Yes, I made you awesome, but you made yourself awesome by being born”
Underneath it all, I’m grateful for those uncomfortable and loving moments that come up in conversation with my daughter because I navigate back to the priorities I care most about… Authenticity, Love and Grace. I also take a moment to stop and get reacquainted with this body of mine and see behind the scenes that it is emerging as an amazing, highly capable, vibrant woman, who happens to find strength in the awkward regions of her body and unchartered life. As I allow more vulnerability in my life to emerge, it gives more room for my daughter to do the same with hers. Thankfully, the wild hair growing up my a%$ doesn’t prevent me from sharing my real truth with you.
In the comments below, share how you’re embracing more Self love and Grace in your life.
As Always, Ignite Your Light and Let it Shine Bright!
From My Heart to Yours,